The problem I have in discussing identity is that I really don't know who I am just yet, and that really angers me. Turning nineteen in October, is it normal for me to have no idea what I want to do? We define identity in many ways with many factors that make it up. Identity is a combination of the way people perceive us and how we wish to be perceived, but the problem is I don't yet know how I want to be perceived! There are infinite possibilities of who I can become, but all I want to know is who my true self really is, and why he's so difficult to find.
And how do I go about this? How do I know what to wear, what to say, to what degree I should turn my lip and furl my eyebrows to express the proper emotion? I'm supposed to to do what feels natural, but honestly what the hell is natural? The only conclusion I've drawn in my short existence is to follow instincts and whatever gut reactions I have at a time. From there the thought process analyzes decisions and learns the best methods to get whatever it is I'm looking for. The product of countless equations and conflicts: me. Slowly, I learn my place in society, and the basis of who I want to be, but not necessarily who I am going to be.
I suppose identity really is what we make it to be. It is us who controls how others view us. We make the decisions which guide our life, we decide what we eat and what TV shows appeal to us. Perhaps it's sheer laziness that prevents me from finding who I am just yet, that I haven't tried hard enough looking for the right answers, but I find that difficult to believe. Perhaps it's just life. Though I cannot be sure, I believe eventually we all will discover ourselves, but sometimes I just wish it would happen sooner, I don't want to run out of time.
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