Sir Anthony Hopkins, serial killer!?

So last night me and a bunch of people were watching The Silence of the Lambs. It was the first time I had seen it and a really enjoyed it, I thought it was so interesting with just the psychology of it (despite the fact that I refused to look at some of the gorier bits).

At the end of the movie, I kept thinking about how strange it must be to portray a character like that...like you would have to be in such a different mind set as an actor while playing Dr Hector.

And the scariest thing to me was that being in such a mind set - and not being able to get out of it - was a major reason that Heath Ledger died.

No, I'm not one of those peoples obsessed with celebrity deaths, but there obviously needs to be a disclaimer on being an actor "Caution: May cause death if taken too seriously" or something. So I guess my question is: when you have put on the "front" of being a psycho serial killer, how easy is it to come back from that?

Anyway so that was what I got out of that movie - very interesting movie.

And Halloween!! everyone is dressing up in ways they would never normally think about dressing - what would Goffman think of that!!!

Happy Halloween to one and all!

p.s. depending on when your last final is there is only 42 days left of this semester!! and that's including holidays and weekends!! ahhhh

Reflection 10/31

I have spent a little while thinking about what I want to write my reflection about this week. At first I thought I would talk about Halloween and all the strange identities that are wrapped up in it, but honestly I do not feel like discussing the difference in identity between girls who wear skanky Dorothy costumes and those who wear a slutty flapper getup. I also could not really come up with a topic from class that I have been dying to discuss, but for some reason, my mind keeps returning to out college search discussion.

I know I was pretty adamant about my opinion in class, but it still has been something that has been bothering me. I do not understand why everyone was being so negative. American is clearly not Harvard. I am not going to lie and say that I wouldn’t think it was awesome to go to an Ivy League or school that is right below them, but let’s be serious. There was absolutely no way that I would ever have gotten into any of these schools and if for some crazy reason (i.e., my mother worked in the admissions office of Princeton) I did get in, I would probably be incredibly unhappy. I would like to get a good education and do something with my life, which is why I am at American University. I also would like to not be stuck in my room with piles and piles of books and skin that rarely sees the light of day, which, other than the fact that I could never have gotten in, is why I am not at Harvard or another one of those schools. Everyone seems to look at American as a safety school. I looked at American as a school that I would be happy at. It was a school I could reasonably get into in an area I liked. I am not going to say that I have always been one hundred percent sure of my decision. I did spend a lot of time worrying that this was not the school I was meant to be at, but now that I am here I realize there is not just one school. If someone puts the effort into being happy, he or she will be happy. If they don’t, they won’t be. So I think that everyone should stop complaining and start to make an attempt at being happy. By the way, Happy Halloween!

Jay Z started out as an individual

Honestly, I do not really understand the quote from the book. Bellah states that this new form of individualism is not working successfully, but he also says it did not work way back when. If I understand it correctly, he is saying that there is no perfect situation when it comes to being an individual, which is true. Today everyone is following a trend and trying to be like someone else, back in the day people hated and oppressed groups so much, that it crushed any individualism that was there. Ideally there would be a Utopia where everyone can be unique person, but because that does not exist, everyone is pushing to become this special person, when actually they are coping what they saw on the tv. It is a struggle and realistically it will probably never be achieved.
In do today’s society everyone is trying to be like the big singers and rappers. For example Jay – Z who I saw in concert yesterday, is a huge entertainment figure. There were many people dressed like him or donning the Yankee Cap. Everyone is trying to achieve his look and he started out being an individual. It was an amazing show and I want to see him again, but I thought that concert was the perfect example or modern individualism and how it is not working. It really does not exist. In no way do I think I am an individual. I have a unique make up of common characteristics. Honestly, I really think in the future it will just continue to get worse...but who knows.

Individualism

Bellah and the other authors of "Habits of the Heart" assert that true individualism is neither "individually nor socially viable", and that the only alternative would be a return to "intolerable discrimination and oppression". In the book, such a loss of individualism is seen as something to dread and mourn.
Although as an American I value individualism highly amongst my ideals, I find complete individualism unattractive. Complete individuality would harm one's ability to interact with others in your society. If one did not share a common tie with others on the planet, one would be unable to relate to those around them. You would be unable to properly communicate with the rest of humanity, thus losing your status as a member of humanity itself. As social creatures, we crave contact and connections with others like us.
A return to a "intolerable discrimination and oppression" not only sounds undesirable, but it sounds like an unlikely remedy. The "individualism" of the past seems more like conformity: while one was encouraged to make decisions for yourself, you were punished or outcast if you chose to disagree.
Though such methods of maintaining conformity still exist today in our laws, cultures, and religions, such restrictions are much looser than they are today. Though I do sometimes find myself feeling nostalgia for an unrealistic golden past, I know deep down that I have more freedom to be myself today.

The Importance of Individualism

I am sure we have all watched a movie or read at book based in the past and though, "Wow, I would love to in [plug in the appropriate time period]." I know that I am guilty of watching Pride and Prejudice and thinking about how great it would be to morph into Elizabeth Bennet. I would get to live in a world full of romance and excitement! Life just seems to be better back then. Families stayed together and got along. People were friendly and got along with each other. All of this seem idyllic for a while. That is, until I realize that I would be forced to be a submissive woman without rights who would be subjected to hours of meaningless small talk and spend my life creating pointless artwork and children. The range of what was socially acceptable would be very limited. Things would not be perfect and idyllic, instead I would be living in a time of suppression that would be unlivable due to my experiences of living in a time period in which almost everything is geared towards making every individual feel unique and original.

I do not think that individualism is a problem in our society. I actually believe that is a very necessary part of life. Although living in a place in which individual needs do not matter and in which everyone works for the common good may be successful, I do not see a way for individuals to thrive in this type of environment. Instead I think that individual expression is important, because once a person has the ability to do whatever they want to do, within reasonable limits, they have the opportunity to make him or herself happy. I think a major problem that many people have today is that they do not take the initiative to make their lives better. Instead of looking on the bright side, people would rather sit around and nitpick about every last detail of their lives that is not perfect. Happiness is about attitude and if a person really wants to be happy, all he or she really needs to do it look at the positive things in their life and try to change the things that are negative. Many people have worked very hard to give us the freedoms that we now have, so instead of complaining, we should utilize our resources and make ourselves happy.

Live, Love, Laugh !!!

To quote Miley Cyrus "Life is What You Make It"

Personally - I think this is a little more upbeat than what the authors of Habits of the Heart think of life which brings the phrase "Caught between a rock and a hard place"... not exactly the way I want to live my life. I normally have a pretty pessimistic look on life, but there is a line between realizing that life won't be this utopian place where everything you want to happen does, and just essentially giving up because the present is crap and so is the past.

Okay well what about the future?! Nowhere is this quote to they say anything about the future. Only focusing on the past and, to an extent, the present isn't really the best way to live. Things may look bleak right now, but you can make them better, you just have to try.

It's like what we were saying about colleges in class today - for the most part we would have been happy anywhere as long as we had put effort into making ourselves happy. And it's true, it doesn't matter about what anyone else is doing - it's all on you and you have to accept that and do your best.

You learn from the past and grow: you tunnel through the rock!!!

The authors of this book need a little bit of optimism...you can't live such a cynical life.

I know society today isn't as amazing as it could be - but that doesn't mean we should give up all together and not hope that we can make the future better. We make our destinies "Life is what you make it" so make it as good as it can possibly be!

10.25.09 Reflection

I have been recalling my past in order to understand what it is I want to do with my future. I realize now, sad as it is, that I knew myself better when I was younger than I do now. Then, I had dreams of becoming a baseball player, an astronaut, an archaeologist, an countless others. Today, I really don't know what it is I want to do with my life, except that it does not have to do with the passions I once had as a child. That was until yesterday.

Yesterday was the first time I've ever been to the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History. It was mind blowing. For the first time in many years, former passions stormed back into my mind. Which passions, you ask? Of archaeology. To be an archaeologist was my most revered potential career while growing up. I loved the subject. I remember in fourth grade I constructed a miniature archaeological dig for the science fair. I hid "ancient artifacts" inside a hardened dirt/clay mix and had other elementary school kids come try their hand at their own dig. It was a hit.

I don't know what happened to that passion. Perhaps it was lost in the midst of a million other career ideas swimming in my mind. Maybe it was lost because I never had any classes remotely close to the topic in my schooling. I don't know. What matters, however, is that for the first time in a while I feel like I have an idea of what I could look like in the future. I can see myself as an archaeologist, or at least a similar profession.

I'm dropping out of SIS at the end of the semester. Instead, I'll be undeclared. I look forward to the change as a way to explore my rekindled passion, as well as other things which interest me. Walking through the Smithsonian, I felt at home. I was mesmerized by the bones, the exhibits of Darwin, of animals, of civilizations. I need to pursue these interests.

Reflection

Last week when we were informed that the President of American University was coming to speak to us, I expected to sit through a very boring presentation about the mission statement of American University. However, when President Neil Kerwin did come to our class on Explorations it was just the opposite. I enjoyed listening to him speak so much. He was extremely personable and did not lecture us on American University. While he did talk about the University's future he spoke with us in a connecting way. He talked about his life and how he came from a small town. He is not at all what I expected. I expected a guy with a privileged life, who was basically destined for the job from birth. It was nice to hear about his college experience and to know that he worked hard toward his goal. He also spoke about his plans to improve American. He only spent a short time speaking about this, because he had to speak to Alumni, sadly we did not get to ask him as many questions as we would of wanted. I think he should come back! It was interesting to learn after he left that the school does not have a lot of Alumni support. Its something that I did not know and I did not think that a school could possibly survive off of basically tuition alone.
This weekend was Parents Weekend also. My parents did come up, however we only did one campus activity. My dad dragged me to the Gospel Choir performance and it was so good. Honestly I had no idea that they were any good and it was nice to see a different side of American University. It was a very enjoyable weekend!

rain rain go away!

This weather is not too fun -- anywho. I very much enjoyed President Kerwin coming to talk to us. It really seems as though he cares about the fate of this school, and that is how you want a President to feel....and I previously had no idea about how much he had to improve the school's perception. Yes, his words may be diliberate, but I found him to seem genuine and personable.

I guess what the question is - when you put on a front, or are striving to uphold a certain status, is that still part of you?

And yes, of course it is. It's just a different side of you. With all these adults on campus, I'm having to be a little more careful with my manners and such - and that isn't changing who I am, it's just making sure I'm putting my best foot forward ... I'm doing my own part to uphold the expectations of attending University.

Very important side note....something NEEDS to be done about the heat in the building - I die daily 24/7 like I am right now... and the muggy weather outside...give me a break!

Anyway, all these parents on campus throw me off, with their inability to navigate TDR and the clogging of the shuttle ... perhaps if my own parents were here it wouldn't seem so annoying...I would just be another undergrad who's parents are visiting (and taking me out to yummy meals!)

I hope that everyone is having a wonderful parents weekend despite the weather

Parents Weekend- a front??? (I know this sounds cheesy, just bear with me)

As I sat down with my friends at TDR last night, I noticed something unusual- The food there was not bland. The pasta and risotto served was actually pretty good. I thought it was one of those days where the TDR cooks do a good job, but then I noticed a few new diners in the cafeteria with us- parents.
Parent's weekend, this weekend, seems like a week of leisure activities for students to spend time with their families, some of whom they have not seen in months. But if one looks at the schedule of events planned for this weekend for our visiting families, it seems like a repeat of the events planned for parents during orientation. The University seems to want to further reassure Eagle parents in their kid's choice of school. As my friend Annie said, "No, really, you made a good choice, just keep paying the bills".
Such an attempt to console our parents takes on further importance when one considers the scandals of previous heads of the University. The school wants to let our parents know that their kid's school has improved from previous years, and that they do not have to worry about further scandal. Possibly, they may want to encourage future endowments.
This years parent's weekend is an excellent example of a group front. Whether or not the school rises to make this front the truth, we will soon see.

Choices or Fate?

Now that we have had quite a few successful people come to talk to us about there lives and how they managed to become successful, I am starting to think that it might be more helpful to bring in people who are incredibly unsuccessful and try to figure out what they did wrong. It is not that I do not enjoy hearing what the people who come to talk to us have to say, but for the most part, they all seem to say that there success is due to some sort of randomness. Hearing President Kerwin speak was very interesting, but like most of our guests he did not help me to learn anything about myself. He discovered that he loved teaching and figured out that it was how he wanted to spend his life and somehow that worked out. Then he worked his way to the top and now he is the president of American University. That really gives me nothing for myself, except giving me the idea that no matter how hard I work and no matter what I do, my success or failure will be based on randomness.

This is why I thought it might be interesting to talk to someone who is completely unsuccessful. Maybe they would have some insight into why they failed, but more then likely, they would say things just did not work out. The stars were not aligned properly. This all leads me to believe that I should just work hard, find things I love and find a way to not care about being successful because clearly if it is not meant to be it is not meant to be. All any of us can do is try our hardest and maybe pay a few people off get fate on our side.

10.22.09 AU Community

Of course AU is a community. How else could you explain living in a triple on a floor with fifty other people who eat in the same place, talk to each other every day, go to class together, and simply live together! I don't care about the definitions of community other people have. To me, if you live together you're in a community together, like it or not. However, expanding on my very simple definition, a few other factors come into play. For one, we chose American University. There were thousands of colleges we could have chosen, if we had decided to go to college at all! The fact that every person at American selected American shows every single one of us has at least that in common, and having something in common definitely contributes to the cohesiveness of a community. Another factor is that we crave knowledge, not only of the world but of ourselves. In the specific example of our UC: Explorations crew (which is also a community) we chose the program we did in order to learn about ourselves, as well as the material of courses at AU.

I also don't think it even matters if we're a community or not. Who cares? A community is just a word to describe something everyone knows already exists. Does it really matter how we classify ourselves? If I think we live in a community, it has no bearing whatsoever on anything. We just live together, go to school together, and hopefully get along together. That is all and that's all it should be.

Is AU a community

As we talked in class, the definition of a community began to form. It was decided that a community is a group of people sharing a common interest or characteristic. Going to school at AU is a very clear example of a community, or more specifically a bunch of smaller communities within a big “community”. For example, these smaller communities are our dorms. They separate the thousands of students on campus to smaller communities. Technically, they do not have to have things in common, but by sharing a living space, they tend to hang out together and befriend each other. They create a community within the larger community of AU. The larger community of AU is more of a connecting circle. Its one common factor that everyone has...its an alumni circle. It is an exciting thing when you meet someone who went to the same place as you. Even though you may never see that person again, it creates a bond that is like a warm feeling inside. I think it terms of large communities AU its self is situated in a larger community of DC and of colleges in general. AU represents on college out of hundreds all over the world. In reference to the definition, they all share the common interest in educating people and helping them achieve a higher level of learning. In reference to AU and DC, AU is a very small division of the DC community – it shares the general location. Actually anything can be a community, explorations is a form of a very small community, we all share a class and a living location – its a great community to be apart of!

AU!!

Community... Everyone refers to AU as a community and we definitely are. Having said that, there are also smaller communities on campus, in addition to the fact that we are part of something much bigger than ourselves! (prepared to be blown away!!!)

We all have something in common: Going to/being employed by AU

What do we want to get out of that: Education in some way or another, or teaching and getting paid.

We can easily relate to anyone on this campus because we are UNITED by this campus and all the opportunities available to us here.

Furthermore, on campus, there are smaller communities such as...University College...aka us!

We specifically are a division of the larger AU community just by doing Wednesday Labs and living on the same floor and taking a COMMON class. We are the Exploring Community, sub set of the UC Community, sub set of AU

Want to zoom out further? We are all students, we are united by our common thirst and quest for knowledge.

Honestly, because of the self-interest idea we talked about in class (and I know perhaps not everyone agrees) but you can make anything a community, as long as people are together and acknowledge that fact.

Is AU a functioning community? Absolutely - of course every system has its floors but we openly accept ourselves into the AU community, which expands past current students and faculty to include all the alumni, benefactors and whoever else feels AU in some way contributed meaningfully to their lives.

The next question logically follows is what is so daunting about the world that at every chance we get we make these common bonds between people around us, or is it just human nature to ultimately "cling" for our own sense of comfort?

AU's Community

Of course, on first thought, it is easy to assume that AU is community. We are a group of people with some things in common. Everyone here clearly has something in common because we all chose to be part of the same school. It would be easy to assume that because of this, we are all strongly linked in the type of community that Joe Gorman would be proud of. Looking around the campus, there are many common events. Things that many people do together. People seem to have similar ideals and tastes.

Despite all of this, I am hesitant to say that AU has one strongly linked community. This may be because I am only a quarter of the way through of my freshman year or because I am reluctant to believe that any place has one strongly linked community. In my opinion, communities are more closely related to close groups of families and friends than they are to random groups of people who happened to end up in the same location because they have a couple of random similarities. When I think about what I miss about home, I usually think about my family and my friends. I am not at all embarrassed to admit that there has not been one instance in my time away from home that I have thought, "Gee, I really miss the random festivals that occurred in my town because a couple of people had interests in putting together a community." This is similar to the way that I see communities on campus. I do not believe that there is one unified community on campus, but instead I think that there are many smaller communities made up of groups of friends who mutually care about and support each other. To me, this does not mean that the people here are not proud to be part of American University, it just means that being part of a group does not necessarily make it a community.

Reflection

I went home this weekend, which was very much needed trip. I missed home alot and it was nice to see my family and friends. It was crazy to try to fit my friends and all my family in, in one weekend. I was not stop running from house to house, went to the movies, the mall, and of course starbucks. I thought it was going to be so different being home, like that every thing would feel like it moved on without me, but it didn't. I guess after living somewhere for 18 years, two months away doesn't change alot. I was able to jump right back into things. The first thing I did when I got home was to go to my room. It was so clean and all mine, it was a highlight of the weekend. The only awkward moments came with my friends who have all seen eachother more than I have, so I was little behind on all the stories. Other than that though all anyone wanted to do was talk about college and all I wanted to do was hear about them. Its funny, I got to college so I don't feel like I have anything different to say, my initial thought to all these questions was like well its college. You eat, sleep, study, go out and thats about it. They wanted the details on something that I found to be so ordinary. I had to realize its been awhile since they lived that way and that they missed that life, so I had to help them rememeber it. All in all it was a great weekend, but I am kinda happy to be back!

10.17.09 reflection

Recently, I have been considering what exactly it is I want to get out off college. The purpose of college, which has been forced down our throats for as long as we can remember, is pretty much to get a good job come graduation. We are supposed to pick a major and, in doing so, help shape the path our lives will take. Well, the problem for me is that I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life. I have considered many options- currently I'm an SIS major so potential government jobs, but also I have considered teaching, psychology/psychiatry, crime and justice, journalism, creative writing and music, and even farming. I just do not know what I want to do. As a result I feel guilty. I feel like I am simply wasting my parents' money pursuing a degree that I may not even want.

College is recognized as a time to explore options, to take a variety of classes to figure out exactly what it is you want to do. The problem for me, however, is that I don't really believe in that philosophy. If I (or, my parents at least) am going to be spending a great amount of time and money on an education, I want to know exactly what it is I want to study, what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to use college to further my passions to enable me to become the most successful I can be in my area. Until I find that passion, I can't take all my classes seriously. Like in high school, I am tired of doing assignments and papers on topics I care nothing about. That needs to change.

In my nineteen years of existence, I've known nothing but education and school, and I'm a little tired about that. I want to travel, to explore, to learn through experience and hands on application versus through books. I want to live, and until I find a passion for myself I can never be fulfilled in college.

Reflection

Having spent the last couple of weeks talking about invisibility, the topic is fresh in my mind. At first, I thought invisibility was a horrible. I thought that I would never want to be invisible, but recently, I have been wondering whether invisibility is such a bad thing. When a person is visible and present, things are expected of him or her. They are supposed to dress well, be well mannered, and most importantly, they are so supposed to be successful. If a person is invisible, none of these things are expected of them. They can do whatever they want. I think that this freedom could actually give people the ability to be truly happy, because instead of focusing on what is expected of them, they could do what they actually wanted to do and most likely, end up being much more fulfilled than a person who is forced to follow the rules of society instead.

Of course, invisibility would not be completely good. Throughout our discussion on invisibility, I have been remembering an episode of Heroes. In this episode, a man who has the ability to be invisible is a central character. Unlike what would ideally happen, this man is incredibly bitter about his invisible and becomes something of a misanthrope. He lives alone, because, of course, invisibility prevents him from having true relationships with any people. I guess this means that although sometimes I think that it would be very, very nice to be able to not be seen by anybody, in reality it would probably be a negative aspect. Like I keep saying in class, friends are important. If a person is all alone, they will never be able to be happy.

"P.G. Chillin'"*

So as I rode down route 50 (New York Avenue to all of you AU folks) in our family's humorously dilapidated Saturn (a car driving by had knocked off the right side-view mirror), I couldn't help but think of the catching up with the friends and family that will ensue. How exactly I should get around to doing this, I still don't know.

At American, it's difficult to explain my home life and my former school without making it sound either ghetto, trashy, or bland. I went to the largest public school in the state of Maryland. It was (and still is) so overcrowded, that we had to annex an old former middle school down the street for exclusive use of the freshman class alone. While many schools have problems with diversity, our school's population was split 60% black and 40% white. While the school is set in the massive suburb that is Bowie, Maryland, it has a reputation for gang activity, drug use, and, since my freshman year, prostitution. The students can be rowdy, violent, and vulgar.

All the same, I loved my experience there. The teachers I had made me truly enjoy learning. Some of these teachers have become my friends. Although many of the students at the school were ridiculous and some were violent, if you were nice to them, they were nice to you. We used the ridiculous things that we heard or saw around the school as therapy- in my English class, we even had a wall of ridiculous quotes. While others were uncomfortable discussing racism, in my English class we often went off on tangents discussing and laughing about stereotypes. At the end of Junior year, we even had a cultural stereotype food day. As a Jew, I brought in potato latkes.

At Bowie High School, we valued humor, whether it was clever, simple, or just plain vulgar. The latest work of David Sedaris delighted us with the same intensity as the 'Ballad of Maliha', a two-part epic poem on a bathroom stall calling Maliha "a ho". A classmate's semi-erotic poetic ode to fried chicken, "Golden Brown", was possibly the highlight of my Junior year after a class trip to Europe. We took delight in the little things, even if we should be disgusted by them instead of fascinated with them. Bowie High School was a place I felt comfortable being out-of-the-ordinary and still get a good education.

Such a surreal place as Bowie High School deserves more than a comment here or there, but that is all I can give my classmates at AU. I don't feel I'm doing it justice.

At the same time, describing AU to my old friends and family has become a bit of a hassle itself. Some joke that I might become a "pretentious asshole". When I try to tell them about my fellow Eagles, they laugh about "those stuck up private school kids" and their wealth. I felt offended by these remarks about my friends. Even if some of them went to private schools, and even if some of their families are wealthy, they are anything but stuck up. They are proud of their backgrounds and the
schools they went to, but they do not act like they are better than others. I don't feel like I'm giving my fellow Eagles justice to my family and friends at home.

Being a part of the worlds of American University and of Bowie, Maryland are two of my greatest points of pride. Relating them and explaining them to each other, however, is not my favorite thing to do. Still, I must try my best.

*Yes, I am quoting Wale.

Nothing like being home

I'm home! It's wonderful! My doggies have grown! I ate steak!! (Keara be jealous) It is lovely. The beginning of this week was not so...with all my midtermy things I had to do, I felt kind of bad because I was pretty anti-social for a while in that I spent all my time in the library trying to conquer my work. That way I could come home and have a nice relaxing weekend with my friends and family.

On that note, I think I will address balancing in this post. I manage my work well I think...yes in my head I stress myself out...but not even about things that are due tomorrow or even in a weeks time from now. I worry bout graduating on time, I worry about getting all my requirements done. I worry about the long term things. Things that are completely out of my control. And I think that's why they worry me - because I have no control over them, not yet at least. I don't think people realize what a stress ball I am because it's not on a daily level - it's on a much larger level. I've always been like that, but now at least I know well enough how to cope with my compulsive need to be in control on a long term scale.

Does anyone else have those profound moments? I think everyone here does - I think us explorers are all quite introspective and that's awesome. But why are we so? Why can't we just be? Just exist?

I think I'm trying to be all deep and meaningful right now and it's not working but bare with me because I'm free writing and refuse to stop. Because free writes are ultimately my way of venting and just being in the moment - something I obviously have already stated I'm not amazing at. I'm always thinking through the next couple of steps - always planning for monday and what I'm going to do when I get back to AU...when I'm going to do assignments that aren't even due until next week. I'm a little crazy, I know.

I'm reflecting on myself because that was the most prominent thing in my life this week.

Have a wonderful long weekend!

Reflection

On Friday, we had another speaker come talk to us. She was very good yet I wish she talked about her topic more than just the last five minutes of class. She gave us a lesson in the definition of macro and microeconomics. Not that it was not interesting but I felt like we missed learning something great. I did however like how she sat down at the table with us. She engaged us and had a conversation instead of just talking at us. I cannot believe were almost done with another book. School has been moving so fast. It’s funny ever since reading Goffman and the idea of identity has come up in everything - in my anthropology class and just in everyday life. It’s funny how I can now see performances and identities playing throughout everyday life. The Dalai Lama came to American on Saturday; sadly I did not get a ticket to see him. I was somewhat upset about it, but I got up at 930 to go the Anthropology conference for extra credit and I was out of Leonard and I saw the Dalai Lama. It was cool, it was one of the wow moments, where I realized that I am in a place where I have the opportunity to see these influential people and I should take advantage of it as much as I can.

10.11.09 Reflection

Turning nineteen is not an age to really celebrate for. It's not ten, not sixteen, not eighteen, not twenty one. However, I do feel kind of old. It's an odd feeling. Birthdays never really meant too much to me. For me it's only another day. But for others it's quite the opposite. It's a day to celebrate, to have fun with friends. Regardless of one's opinion of birthdays, I was inevitably affected by this last one.

It's strange to step back and realize how time flies. Because it certainly does. Graduating was perhaps the first time I truly realized that I was actually growing up. I'm nineteen. A year away from twenty! What the heck.

It's alright though. I've always waited for the time when I can make decisions for myself, like I've started already. And it's a liberating feeling.

On a completely different note, get ready. The band Beardstache is coming. The masterminds Bradford Parker, Homer Wolman, and Andrew Williamson are brainstorming as they prepare to become the definition of music in the twenty first century. Brace yourself for tracks such as "Water Bearding," "Forty Staches," "100 Meter-stache" and "Shoot Dude, Flush the Stache." They will blow your mind, as well as your beard like a gentle zephyr would. You will know as soon as recording is complete. And you will hear. And your beards willl shake. And quiver. And rumble. By Merlin's beard the world will never be the same.

Reflection

Recently, the idea that I need to start deciding what I want to do with my life has been weighing pretty heavily on my mind. I have never been one of those people who has been able to say I want to be a doctor or a teacher or anything else. One day I think that the only thing that could ever make me happy is to be a famous actress and then the next day I think that being a librarian would be the only thing that would bring me true happiness. I am sure that many of us have been going through similar struggles. With the "real world" just around the corner and knowing the amount of people stuck in careers that they absolutely hate, how can trying to find something that we love not be an issue? For this reason, I find it very interesting to hear from successful adults who have found their true callings in life, or at least pretend to be happy when they talk to us.

This week, I found listening to Mary Hansen very interesting. I liked her idea that we should not limit ourselves to one thing very much, but at the same time, I do not know how helpful applying this philosophy into my personal life would actually be. I am not a very focused person and I have many interests, so I think that if I attempted everything I wanted to, I would just be going around taking random classes and doing random things for the next fifty years. I guess this is probably what I will be doing for a little while, though, hoping that something will stick. If not, I guess I am just going to have to settle for something random and hope that it all works out for the best. If there is one thing that the speakers have kept reiterating it is that we should not worry so much, that everything will work out for the best in the end, so I guess for now, I just have to work on not worrying and hope that this does not lead me into a career in prostitution and a young death.

Identity and 'Truth or Dare'

After talking to a childhood friend of mine over the internet lately, I couldn't help but think of the fun times I had in my childhood- the schoolyard antics, the hobbies, the places I went, and the games I played. During my reminiscing, I remembered I game I played often with my friends, and realized it's relevance to our focus on identity in this course- Truth or Dare.
When one was asked a 'truth', one's front was, in effect, challenged. If your answer does not meet expectations based on your front, that front has been undermined. The individual asking for the 'truth' serves as a sort of moral watchdog, checking a person's front to see if they are being 'honest'- as honest as a front can be, that is. When an individual rises to the challenge raised by the 'truth', however, this temporary identity of the interrogator is damaged.
'Dares' serve a related, but different effect. The 'dare' is meant to force the individual to undermine their front themselves, or risk alienation from the group for your lack of trust in them. As a result, thought you may undermine one front, you maintain your identity as a member of their group for going along with their fun. In this challenge, the 'darer' is in a similar situation to that of those who ask for 'truths'.
Although it has been years since I've played this game, I've always felt some sort of intuition as to the social purpose of this game. It is only now, with some understanding of sociology, that I can articulate what I've felt.

No more advice!

Okay, so I have never ever been someone to like taking advice - or rather being told what to do. I am my own person. I don't need someone else to tell me how I should live. I'll make my own mistakes and do things my way thank you. Yes, I'll admit that sometimes I need technical advice, but I really am not enjoying all these people coming in and us just saying "what advice do you have?" NOOO don't tell me how I should go about doing things. I'm an explorer! I'll find things out on my own, thank you very much. I appreciate people like Hewitt coming into to talk to us, sharing what her life has been about, but I'm not going to take notes on what she thinks I should do. Similarly, people who are saying that they aren't "finding themselves" by reading about what other people have accomplished, or do....ever heard of a big picture? Similarly, didn't we say on one of the first day of classes that your OWN identity is formed and influenced by those around you!?

Sidenote, Obama = Nobel Peace Prize....?

Also, finding v. creating yourself.... it is necessary to do both. We have already taken the MBTI tests, and therefore know that some people are just more inclined to certain ways of thinking than others. That being said, you're not going to get anywhere if you stick to your MBTI results and never try new things, or take a challenge. There is no fight between these two schools of thought. They need to work harmoniously to actually be of consequence.

Overall, I just really need to stop hearing people giving me orders. It's killing me.

Apart from that.... I would just like to get through mid terms right now please and not think about major requirements and life long decisions. One day at a time. (and I'm such a hypocrite because I'm the worst when it comes to wanting to be prepared for what's ahead of me. But I try to just take it slow and accept that the only thing I can do to prepare for tomorrow is tackle what is in front me right now)

Excited for the Dalai Lama? =]

To be seen, or not to be seen

I've been invisible before. We all have. Sitting in class, the teacher's calling on random students. Who hasn't shrunk away into their desk, pretended to jot something down in a notebook, or look away? Who hasn't walked away from a sad event or argument, wishing not to see anybody, to be alone and as a result not see anybody. We can choose to be invisible, as our narrator does in Invisible Man. His situation, however, is entirely different.

I cannot completely relate to the narrator. His invisibility comes about because of his skin color and the lack of identity that results from his color. He is alone in the world. A person becomes invisible in the worst times. For the narrator he is invisible because his life and dreams were shattered. Now he questions everything he once believed and prefers a life absent of people. The invisible man's lack of identity instills dormancy in his passions. Now, he lives in a basement, a cave covered in bright, bright lights. His aspirations were shattered by a serious of events which resulted in his expulsion at school. He realized that Dr. Bledsoe, a man our narrator once praised, fronts an easygoing, white-abiding demeanor in order to advance his own position. The invisible man's grandfather's words again ring in an already muddled mind. Electroshock zaps whatever is left. The man is pulverized inside, and it is no wonder he lacks a clear identity and chooses to keep himself.

Invisible Man

I believe anyone can be invisible. It all depends on what one is going through and how they feel on a specific day. Depending upon what definition of “being invisible” you are using it can be affected by race, but that is not the reason. The reason is the person and their situation. A person’s invisibility can be caused for the same reason the narrator is suffering – a lack of self-identity. The narrator of the Invisible Man is “invisible” only because of himself. While he is clearly a part of the lower class in society, he enables the invisibility. He does not know what role he is playing yet; therefore, he does not have a clear identity. Being black is simply a factor to his invisibility, not the cause. Because he is a part of a lower class, he just has to work harder at being visible. He is trying to find his identity by depending on others. He depends on Dr. Bledsoe to write him letters of recommendation, yet he betrays him and he is left with no work. This is a good example of the narrator’s invisibility. He was betrayed without a single thought. It is because he has not discovered his role in life yet. He is depending on others to carry him through a part of his life, while he really needs to be is confident in himself. He needs to form his identity and stand on his own two feet. From what I have read so far, I feel like he continuously attempts to be visible. He attempts to be a leader, public speaking, yet after that experience, he is told to only sit, listen, and take notes in order to learn the brotherhood’s doctrine. Looking at these examples more closely, I have begun to believe that at times his environment causes his invisibility. At the school Dr. Bledsoe saw his as a speck of dust. Not because of his ethnicity, but because he was an employee, he betrayed him because in reality the narrator screwed up so Dr. Bledsoe owed nothing to him. While he is delivering his speech he is in a “black setting”, which I think contributes to his invisibility, but at the same time he is trying to find an identity in this setting, so I am unsure of what role the setting plays.

Who Can Be Invisible?

What does it mean to feel invisible? I think we would all be lying if we said we have never felt invisible. No matter if you are at the top of a social hierarchy or at the very bottom, I think there are situations in which everyone sacrifices their true beliefs in order to satisfy the requirements that social norms demand and by doing so become invisible. Despite this, I do believe that being at the bottom of the racial hierarchy probably increases the amount of time that a person spends being "invisible". I think that there have been many clear examples supporting this idea in what we have read in the Invisible Man.

Throughout the novel, the narrator has been struggling to find meaning and purpose in his life, and in many situations, instead of embracing what he truly likes, he has followed what others have wanted him to do. I believe that the narrator's naiveté also leads him into hiding aspects of his true self. This is evident near the very beginning of the novel when the narrator takes place in the "battle royal", in which he and his fellow classmates humiliated themselves for the pleasure of some of the prominent white men of the town. The narrator leaves this situation only thinking of the speech he made towards the end and feeling very proud of himself. I think this shows an obvious amount of naiveté in the narrator. During the battle royal, the narrator is completely invisible, but at this point he still does not realize that he is not seen. He thinks that the men are proud of him and that they support his ideas and his speech, while really he was just an object of ridicule.

For a while, the narrator continues to be invisible but he does not seem to realize it. The incident with Bledsoe and Norton proves his invisibility to a great extent. The narrator seems to think that both of these men have his best interests at heart, when they are really both selfish and uncaring men. Both men offer to help the narrator while simultaneously turning their backs on him. He is seen as inconsequential and therefore invisible by almost everyone. Even when he begins to work for the brotherhood he is still invisible. He is simply a tool being used by the brotherhood as a mean to an end. When Brother Jack first introduces him to other members, a woman even asks if he should be blacker. I think that much of what the narrator experiences could be experienced by anyone who is naive and desperate for purpose and meaning in their life. He is easily manipulated, like many young people seeking approval are, but at the same time, I think much of what he experiences is heightened because he is basically at the bottom of the racial hierarchy and is also very insecure. As of this point, though, the narrator does not seem to realize how invisible he is. Because of the name of the novel, I doubt he will do anything to combat his invisibility, but at the same time, if the narrator just realizes he is not seen by anybody else, he might be able to improve his life.

"I'm invisible! I'm invisible! Can you see me?"*

The opening chapter of the 'Battle Royale' serves as an excellent example of invisibility along general and racial lines in Ralph Ellison's novel, Invisible Man. In this passage, young black men are invited to a local banquet attended by local prominent white men, only to be set up against each other for the entertainment of these prominent figures.
On one level, such a scene of cruel sport speaks to all the disenfranchised. Whether you work in a factory, a restaurant, or at a post office, one may feel that you have lost your identity in the demands of your job. You are no longer Susan or Steve, but the labor that makes easier for those you are serving. You become the shirt on the rack, the menu laid gingerly in front of your customer, or the letter in the mailbox. All that concerns those who benefit from your labor is the outcome, not the fact that a human being did it. In this sense, the loss of identity experienced by the narrator, and the other 'fighters' at the banquet that night can be felt by anyone who has felt unappreciated and taken for granted.
One another level, the sense of invisibility felt by the narrator are specific to those who have been marginalized for their race. The narrator and the other young black men are invited as entertainment for powerful white men, and they entertain them by playing to the stereotypes their 'audience' hold of them. The fights and subsequent struggle for payment in coin were meant to reinforce the view popular among whites at the time that blacks were violent, mindless, and greedy. This was not just a sporting event where one could bet on the outcome of a match, but a ceremony by which the powerful white men of the community asserted their dominance. In all of this, there was no place for any of the boys to be individuals. They were forced into being the stereotypes the white community wanted them to be. When racial stereotypes dominate, as they do in the 'Battle Royale', then one truly becomes invisible.

*Quote from the amazing film, Mystery Men. I know I'm dealing with a serious subject, but I'm just happy for the moment that I did a non-generic title for once.

10.4.09 Who the heck am I?

I'm an INFP. Introversion. Intuition. Feeling. Perceiving. Andrew "The Man" Williamson. All in one package. Im just kidding. People don't actually call me "The Man." But after taking the Myers-Briggs type indicator that's honestly what I feel like. I was amazed with the test. The results were close to spot on in describing my kind of personality, the way I'm programmed, me. Perhaps the most important item I received from the test was that the results confirmed things I truly wanted to hear. Perhaps it means nothing. Regardless, the test got me thinking.

I don't talk about myself, my feelings, my personality very often. This is too true in many people's lives. As such, I greatly enjoyed the exercise. I talked about myself through questions on the exam, and in response I received pages discussing me. And it was refreshing. Perhaps the reason why I don't really open up to many people is because I don't think there's enough people to listen, to really sit down and let me talk about me. It's eerie in a way, but in this anonymous setting it seems is almost the easiest way to talk.

I find security in being identified. According to Myers-Briggs I'm in one of sixteen categories. Whether you like personality tests or not, it really is comforting to know you fit in somewhere. My former potential career choices came back in the results of what professions IMFPs take like psychologist, jornalist, writer, poet, editor, musician. These passions which lay somewhat dormant in my current career path rumble a little now. I've been questioning what I really want to do in this thing called life and I found motivation to reconsider the potential of my past passions.

Reflection

The Myers Briggs results told classified me as an ISTP meaning I am an introvert, sensing thinking, and perceiving person. It is funny because I guessed one of them wrong. I said I was more intuition than of a sensing person. I still believe it is true. A sensing person is a person who are more in tune with facts while an intuition person who thinks about theory and symbolism. I don’t know if I am right or if the test is right, but it was interesting to learn about how I tested and how I am perceived through this test. It was interesting to see the jobs positioned with the certain personality types. My favorite for myself was the job of a farmer or animal breeder – two things I can safely say I will never do. It also gave some realistic job suggestions such as a orthodontist or a surgical assistant, but I don’t have any idea which direction I will go in. It was helpful for ideas, but considering that I didn’t like many of the suggestions I doubt that I will pursue them, but the field identification was helpful. I never thought that I would take the test and have immediate reality as to what I would like to do. However, this test helped me to look with my strengths and weaknesses in mind. Honestly, this test is really not going to affect my life at all. I am taking it as a useful piece of information to keep in your head as I’m living my life. I appreciate the opportunity to learn more about myself!

Future/Career Crisis AaaAAAaagGGhHHH!!!

Today I went to a craft fair in Adams Morgan, called Crafty Bastards. The tiny Reed Community Park was packed full of the young, the old, the hip, and those are aren't hip but just don't care. The heat of the day did little to deter them from their mission: to buy cute handmade products.
I originally came exclusively to buy the wares of these crafty folks, but I left with more than just a brooch and two barrettes. For the last few weeks, I've been in a bit of a state over what I should major in, what I should do with my life, etc. For a while, a wanted to get a career in art conservation, but now I'm not so sure. Should I take advantage of the international character of AU and become an International Studies major? But I would be a horrible worker in politics!!!! Should I just go through with Art History? But what would I do with that degree?!! I like the radio show; should I study journalism? But I'm horrible with interviews!!!
At the craft fair, the people sitting behind their wares were friendly, enthusiastic, and happy. None were condescending to their customers, how one would expect an 'artiste' to act. One vendor even offered me a discount at her online store of a product that had run out earlier that day!
Although I may not have an idea of what I want to do with my life, the infectious enthusiasm of these craft sellers inspired me to do something that made me smile every day that I did it. Even if it is being a "bastard".

Reflection 10/3

After getting the feedback from my Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test i was not very surprised. During class when we were guessing what we were, I could figure out pretty simply which type I would be, but this was not necessarily because I know my personality all the well. I think it had more to do with the mood I was in when I was taking the test. I will freely admit that I was not in the best mood when I was taking the test. My results were INFP, and I think that to some extent they were accurate. I am a somewhat introverted person, but this introversion is heightened when I am not in a good mood. Also, when I am in a bad mood, I am slightly more irrational. I think this could have had a somewhat meaningful impact on the other three types that I got. I Despite this, I thought the results were interesting. Many of the things that the test said about me were true. I can be very sensitive and I can also be disappointed easily. I also think that I am a somewhat creative person who is curious about many possibilities.

I was very excited to learn about what careers would be good for me because I currently I am undecided. I found some of the suggestions interesting, but I am not really sure I would be very interested in any of the suggestions. They did get me to start thinking about where my life could be going though. Maybe in a couple of years I will actually know, but until then the MBTI has given me some interesting things to think about.

C'est l'heure pour une reflection

Je voudrais pratiquer mon français, donc je vais écrire cette poste en français et de nouveau en anglais pour les gens qui ne parlent pas le français…peut être vous allez apprendre un peu! Bien, j’ai eu un peu de surpris quand je suis trouvé mon type de personalité avec le “Meyer Briggs Test”. J’ai pris l’examen deux fois mais ils ont eu très cours et peut être incorrecte. Alors, je suis contente avec mon type qui est ISFP et la description, à mon avis, est plus ou moins vrai. Mais je ne sais pas que je devrai charpentier ou danser (mais j’adore danser). J’aime les points de personnalité que j’ai comme « vivre dans le moment » et que je suis loyale et fidele, et je suis accord avec ca, c’est très correcte. Je ne pense pas que on a confiance complète dans l’examen mais il nous donne une autre perspective valide.

I want to practice my french so I will write my post in French and again in English for people who don't speak french...maybe you will learn some! Well, I was a little surprise when I got the results of my personality type with the Meyer Briggs test. I have taken the test twice before but they were very short and may not have been completely accurate. However, I was happy with my type, which is ISFP et the description, I thought, is pretty much accurate...Though I don't think I will become a carpenter or a dancer (though I love to dance). I like the points about ISFP like "Live in the moment" and that I'm loyale and faithful, I agree with that fully. I don't think that we should completely trust the test but it gives us another valid perspective.

( I didn't write this bit in french ...just English now) so yeah I just always feel the I'm so in the middle with the personality tests, and just depends so much on the circumstances as to how I act...whether I'm loud or quiet. I suppose actually what was interesting the one of the charactersistics of ISFP was to be adaptable and flexible which like fits me soo well... I know through experience that I am extremely flexible with things so it seems to actually hold some weight. It's definitely something to take into account when I start looking at possible careers and jobs, but apart from that I'm still gonna trust myself over the test, and realize that I know myself better than any machine does =D

10.1.09 Fiction/Non-Fiction

The genre distinction plays a much more important role in Augustine's Confessions, versus Ellison's Invisble Man. In Augustine's case I would be incredibly angry to learn that the pious piece I put my time into reading was indeed fiction. It would be blasphemy. Augustine makes countless religious claims which he supports through his own personal experiences. If those personal experiences were in fact made up in the pursuit of literary freedom, not only would I be mad, but I would also question Augustine's mental stability. The validity of his work comes from the claim that everything in Confessions is unquestionably true. Should it all be made up, I could never take the work seriously.

In Invisible Man, however, the same is not the case. Had Invisible Man been nonfiction, I think it could only become more valuable and valid. As it is written in first person, the book truly seems as if it is indeed nonfiction, told by the author who is describing his own life. This is not the case. Instead, through the narrator's look back on his fictional life, we are able to discover themes Ellison wants us to discover. Since it is fiction, the author can determine what's important and what's not, versus an autobiography which, though not exclusively but often times explains what has happened and it is mostly up to the reader to determine the defining aspects of the author's life. It would have be a ridiculous tale had it been true, but it is the same tale nonetheless made on Ellison's, not fate's, terms.